Thursday, January 19, 2017

Rhyme or Reason

If there is a rhyme or reason to life I have yet to figure it out.

Swear when anything seems to be looking up, actually going right or feelings of happiness feel like they are safe to surface something or even things always seems to ruin some aspect of it.

There is a feeling of anxiety, sometimes even a melancholy of sorts that accompanied some heart issues which popped up out of the clear blue in mid December. The cardiologist says they are a nuisance for sure, yet the fear they produce can't even accurately be described in words. It's an automatic reaction of sorts that seems to just produce more adrenaline making the whole situation worse. Combine that with some other stressors and things have felt plain old nuts.

Of course sure it doesn't help that this happened in the midst of my least favorite season when a sunny day can be hard to come by and the frigid temperatures leave one wanting to just stay in bed. Winter always seems like such a bleak and cruel season, the only thing to make it even remotely okay might be some cool snow storms.  As snow can bring with it a magical and serene feeling.

Sometimes even wonder if I might suffer from some sort of seasonal affective disorder.  Being the summer type who loves sunny days, warm temperatures, being outdoors  and living life in shorts winter feels tough.  Seriously think it might be a good idea to consider a tropical climate the kind with the crystal blue waters.As I look up into a cloudy, grey sky can't help but wonder if sitting on a beach somewhere with a warm ocean breeze and my toes stuck in sand would make a world of difference. Always say my soul seems the most content by the sea.

For now though I'm just trying to make sense of life some days.  The ups and downs could drive one mad.  Maybe that's why it seems like half the world is either on something or trying to escape their reality.  At the same time I wonder if people knew there was a definitive rhyme or reason to everything would it make life feel easier at times?  Would problems, setbacks, issues that pop up along the way feel more manageable?

Or am I just talking in circles now.....

My mind seems to try to find answers, to sort through things that simply can't always be explained. Maybe there isn't so much of a rhyme to life as there is a mystery. Even when it comes to people, some have such different ways of seeing things that to find a common ground seems almost impossible sometimes.  What is right and wrong so often even seems to become a blur in our world today.

As I try to express my thoughts into words have to laugh because I wonder if that psychology degree of mine should have really been a philosophy one.  Think I'd like to sit around a table with some of the great philosophers and simply hear their thoughts.  In this age of technology or phones and computers with things such as social media the ability to just sit around with actual people and hold deeper conversations about the possible rhyme or reason to life seems like a lost of art.

Socrates once said "I only know one thing, and that is I know nothing."  Maybe we will never have the answers we seek but during the challenging times it can't hurt to seek them, even if it only serves as a distraction it may still be useful.








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