Monday, December 19, 2016

Monday Musings

With highs in the 20's it's down right chilly here!  Why does summer always seem too short and winter so long.

The dizziness has been flaring again especially while using computer and watching tv so while I shouldn't even be writing anything, of course here I am. It's not worth it really yet I feel like writing to release my thoughts. The cold temperatures also seem to be flaring my heart issues, which is driving me bonkers.  They are the most uncomfortable, scary things and often leave me frozen in fear. It feels like a spasm of sorts.  The cold of winter seems to make everything worse.  We joke about moving some where warm but maybe warm tropical weather is exactly what we need.

It was another lounging weekend.  Not that we really had a choice as Saturday a winter weather mix brought icy conditions for a good part of the day, making it easier to just stay in.  Sunday I woke up with vertigo so it pretty much sidelined me all day.  All I have to say is vertigo sucks.  Honestly only people that have actually experienced it can understand just how incapacitating it can be.

Not even the man seems to get how it affects everything, nor how dang hard it can be to even just move. What's even worse is having to ask for help with stuff, sometimes it bothers me I even have to ask. Needless to say the weekend felt rather boring and stressful if that makes sense.

Though we did get furniture finally!  That's right Friday night we went out and just bought a leather recliner set from Raymour who guarantees delivery in 3 days as long as it's in stock and not special order.  So it arrived today.  It's a little bit of a compromise as I'm afraid leather will feel too cold for someone like me who is always cold but it was the nicest looking of the ones we liked and it was available now.  It's amazing how many furniture places have waiting periods of 6-8 weeks, and even then the furniture is not ready. So I compromised and we went with leather.

Decided to give away the white leather sofa since it was given to us.  Hopefully it finds a home with someone who really needs it.

There has been so much going on that it doesn't even feel the holiday season. The man has been super busy at work.  There has been so much to do around here.  Keeping up with my nephew Dylan is nuts he is starting to get into everything and likes to be in constant motion or he tends to cry. Haven't even really listened to much christmas music.  Every year I say we should go look at all the Christmas lights yet some how it doesn't seem to happen.  Really have to work on changing that as it's so pretty when everything is glowing and lit up.

Right now just feeling a lot of anxiety and stress about everything. We still have a list of things we need to do.  It's truly been a whirlwind of a year filled with so much change and craziness at times.

And while the holidays can bring festive feelings it can also feel overwhelming.  I just want to stay home this year, yet now that we are officially married the man thinks I should go to his family's house for xmas even though he doesn't really want to go and they usually just end up fighting.  After the whole fiasco with his mother regarding the wedding and other issues going there is not something I have any interest in so technically I am being forced to do. ha  In fact think it's what bringing on some of this horrible anxiety, as the thought of it brings on a major fight or flight response.  The body is amazing as it speaks for our deeper feelings and thoughts sometimes.

Well dinners almost finished cooking and really shouldn't be on here anyway as it's only frying my brain more.

Hopefully I can find a way to relax and enjoy the holidays.

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