Thursday, August 25, 2016

The Idea of Marriage

Things are getting real....we applied for our marriage license and the wedding is just a mere day away!

After almost a decade together in some sense it just seems like a formality, seriously after this long together one begins to feel they are married and pretty much everyone treats us that way anyway.  We have been essentially living a married life.

Some couples seem to rejoice in all things wedding together that hasn't exactly been the case here. Though the man wanted a true wedding as opposed to eloping he's not much into the planning.  And I'm just not feeling the emotions thought might come along with getting married. Such as feeling over the moon or whatever else. I've been feeling rather nervous. Again that might be all the stress of moving and the overall year talking though.

Think the stress of this year has my emotions and thoughts pulling in a thousand different directions.  We've had so much going on this year that think the wedding even took a backseat too often to everything else. Truthfully think actually living the good and bad over the years made me indifferent to the idea of marriage as time went on.  The older I get just realized it wasn't as important as it seemed when I was say in high school.  A piece of paper isn't the key to love, the real key is in the effort you put into any relationship. 

Also think the commitment phobic part of me might be panicking just a tad.  Ya know the whole idea of making such a commitment not only legally but before God is a big deal! I joke about that movie the runaway bride yet there's a part of me that can relate to what she might be possibly feeling. The idea of a soulmate sounds romantic the idea of commitment on the other hand can be some what scary too. Though I'm hoping for everything to be all roses the reality is love takes a lot of nurturing, understanding, compassion, honesty, hard work, compromise, respect, going out of your way for the other and so on.  Relationships are like anything else you get exactly what you put into them.

Being that the wedding is just a day away it's becoming real.  Of course pre marital stuff seems to keep popping up on my facebook feed, when reading some of the questions these articles pose I some how come back to the ways in which we are different. Think the two things I have a little concern with are the ways we are different eventually getting in the way and hoping we can sustain a very affectionate connection as time goes on.  I'm an overly affectionate chick who the man already has a hard time keeping up with.  After almost a decade together he is still trying to keep up with little ole passionate me! ha

It's also interesting to look back on past relationships too, to the vast array of those dated that led up to this point in time.  The people that stand out and the ones that friends have to remind me of.  There were two long serious high school sweetheart who went on to play college football at Miami and the Olympic rower were the longest relationships during my younger years. Scattered in between were other relationships just not as serious or long.

It's easy to look back now and laugh but used to find myself jumping into relationships with cute guys only to find myself jumping back out 6 months later when I either felt bored or realized there just wasn't a true connection.  Used to try to picture myself married to them, when I couldn't realized they probably weren't the ones. Some I wanted to be attracted to as they were the perfect nice guys who would have made incredible life partners but I just wasn't.  It's always interesting how that works.

There were some genuinely nice guys, sweet, loving, fun and unfortunately probably maybe too serious for what I was looking for back then.  Think I used to drive my family crazy as they truly liked a few of them. Then there was surfer guy who truly left a mark on my heart.  It's probably after him that I went a little astray when it came to love, causing me to look at love just a tad different and seek other things than say just a soul mate. It's amazing how one moment or experience can influence every one after. 

Now as I think back to those dating days, it's amazing how my idea of marriage has changed over the years.  And that maybe all along I did suffer from a fear of commitment or fear of better options.  The man constantly jokes that I have fobo syndrome they love to use that term on some appliance commercial here.  All kidding aside think there is probably some truth to that, hence why even the idea of marriage may have scared me a little. I'm the chick that can't even make up my mind about paint colors. ha  Or maybe I spent too much time comparing everyone I met to the first love, who knows.  But it's just amazing to look back at the path I took.

It's just hard to believe it's upon us.  Where has the time gone.  After all this time together feel like we should be celebrating our anniversary not just getting married.  It's just so crazy to think about being someones wife now not just girlfriend or fiance.  My dad says out of all the crazy things I've done and experienced in my life, and there have been plenty, getting married is probably the most sane or normal. Gotta love my dad! ;)

Even though it's technically just a piece of  paper, you still hear how people say it sometimes changes things, if it does here's hoping it's in a positive way!

Ummmm...future husband if you ever decide to read my blog.....a happy wife would equal something like this....lots of kisses (everyday would be divine), respect, honesty, help out without me having to ask, fun, less tv more adventures together, live in kindness, show a genuine interest in what I have to say, fix things around house sooner rather than later, don't judge just try to understand any differences that exist or may arise and oh yeah don't forget to shower me in love!  That would be a great start. :)

Okay....let's do this.

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