Monday, July 11, 2016

Monday Musings

Hard to believe but it's been four weeks since I wrote a Monday Musings post.  It doesn't feel like that as things seem to be moving rather quickly lately, and feel like I'm barely staying on top of everything.  Not to mention the weather has been sweltering, we are talking heat indices of 100. While it cooled off briefly this weekend, they are saying it will once again heat up!

I wrote a little post the other day but only my emotions got the best of me.  Seriously was so fed up with some of the biased and inaccurate reporting. In fact, the man and I always watch the news before bed but we decided to boycott the news as we were just so fed up with the coverage and bs.  We live in Philadelphia a city in which people have to deal with violence, crimes, murders, drugs, gangs, etc everyday and let me tell you there is no protesters shutting down highways to protest all the innocent lives taken by such things. More lives are lost to those things mentioned above than to police brutality.  And that's all I'm saying on that for now.

As I mentioned the vertigo migraine stuff has been flaring up rather bad.  Even went to see the doctor though she had little help to offer.  She feels all the stress of the past few months probably brought on a flare. Stress can be so detrimental to any health condition so it's no surprise.  And when it comes to life it's rather hard to avoid stress.  Sure my indecisive nature, and doubting ways don't make it any easier either.

What surprised me the most is I was trying hard to keep to a work regimen of walking, yoga and even lifting free weights.  Figured all that combined would help my body work through any stress but guess even the stress was too strong to simply be warded off by working out.  What sucks is the worse the flare up became I had to curtail some of the working out, life sure can be tricky sometimes.

Think the most stress as of late has come from the home buying process.  And for me someone who rather fears commitments and likes to be in control it's even harder.  Just making that kind of commitment scares me, the fear of better options always seems to kick in.  Not to mention the what if stuff.  What if there is a better house out there, what if we could have negotiated an even better price, what if we picked a different area, what if we had moved to the beach.  Seriously I could find a million what if's when it came to anything including even getting married. Honestly even just saying I'm not fond of commitments is probably a gross understatement. If I had to guess it was just something I was born with as feel like I've been this way since the wee days of my childhood.

And I'm equally worse when it comes to making many big decisions.  Literally I can't  even decide what kind of wedding band to get after months of browsing.  Think these sides of me become more pronounced when having to make big purchases or spend money.

But putting all the stressful stuff aside I just want to feel good again.  The pressure in my head has been unbearable, the medicine they gave me doesn't even really make a dent.  The pressure of course causes my whole brain to be out of whack including the the whole dizziness thing.  Basically it's like having a constant migraine but with intense pressure that makes you feel like the brain is literally going to explode. It's been causing such dizziness attacks that working on the computer has become impossible.  Think what my body needs is to just rest and relax. Feel like a vacation to the shore is much needed.

The best days lately have come when I spend them with family, especially my nephew and niece. Just hanging out with them and relaxing has been the highlight of the summer so far.  I find holding my nephew so relaxing and soothing.  I don't even mind when he cries. He is so amazing.  We've all been having our dresses altered, shopping for wedding accessories and even had a small family fourth of July picnic.

The man has been kind of boring this summer, not sure if it's the heat or work but he is exhausted. Which of course make him want to do nothing but lounge on the couch more than take on the town. Personally his lounge personality is too moody and quiet for my tastes, like him much better when he we are doing stuff as hes more talkative and upbeat.  Plus it's summer, feel like if I can't get him to partake in some fun adventures he will sooner be hibernating and blaming it on winter.  I seriously have more enthusiasm and passion than he will ever comprehend. ;)

Plus when I hang out with my family I'm not using the computer or looking at my phone which have been instigating the whole brain stuff too.  Smart phones are rather bad not sure if it's the screen or the small screen but it can create havoc.  Problem is with all the wedding planning I've had to be on the computer way more than normal and think that also contributed to setting off the flare up as well. It's very hard in this day and age not to use the computer or smart phone as feel like our world revolves around technology. Even just editing or developing photos involves computers these days.

Anyway, just feels like I'm babbling above though not even coming close to reflecting all the deeper thoughts that have been filling my mind in the wee hours off the morning, when sometimes I lay awake simply pondering life, choices and wondering if we ever truly have a choice or is there a certain amount of pre determination or destiny to the decisions we make?

Yeah I need to write more about all those deeper thoughts....

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