Monday, June 6, 2016

Monday Musings

The weather is sunny and warm, perfect summer day.  I on the other hand feel like one big storm about to unleash it's fiery. ha

The dizziness has been flaring up in a bad way lately, to the point of having to take it easy and rest on couch for two days last week.  It's making sleep very difficult, for some reason sleep has always been an instigator of it.  Something as simply as just trying to turn on my side while sleeping can bring on the horrible vertigo and spinning sensation.  It's one big nightmare.

What makes it so horrible is there is just little the doctors can do, they have no miracle drugs to eliminate it and run out of ideas to even suggest.  So when it's flaring like this I just try my best to make it through each day, but let me tell you it's so hard and eventually takes a toll both physically and mentally.  Not being able to get a good nights sleep, or move without feeling like things are spinning feels torturous at times.  And sometimes there is an intense head pressure that accompanies it.  When the pressure is bad it can even make my body shaky and weak it's as if my muscles spasm out of control.

I'm sure it doesn't help that I've been under an enormous mount of stress these past few months. More than one doctor has warned me to try to remove any and all stress from my life, and to try to find ways to deal with any stress that may pop up.  Much easier said than done.  Should I even be on the computer? No way but I feel the need to let all the feelings out and what better place than my online journal.

Oddly enough sometimes stress isn't all bad, but my body doesn't see it like that so even when I get really excited about something it can bring more of a flight or fight type stress response especially when already overloaded.   Overall I would say there has been both good and bad stress, with the bad stress probably taken more of a toll on the dizziness.

Overall the week was rather busy with a bunch of errands, calls and what not, but thursday and friday kind of got washed out with me having to rest. Saturday we went to a local park for engagement photos which our photographer offered as part of the wedding package. Then we went to see my niece play in her all star softball game. Sunday we met our new realtor, then I spent the afternoon with my mother meeting with a florist and going through photos. Got home only to find myself doing more work in our office room. All the while still battling a dizzy and off balance feeling.

It's hard to believe the wedding is less than three months away now.  Honestly a part of me is a little nervous even though the man and I met a decade ago and have lived together for eight years it still feels like a big deal. More on that another day. ha

Plus there are a lot of little things that need to be done, hence the lists I seem to have scattered all over my desk.  It's amazing all the planning, not to mention fiances, that go into a wedding yet the actual event only lasts a day.  Conveniently the man wanted a traditional wedding yet doesn't seem to be helping that much. Although he was a good sport about the photos on Saturday.

The man hates to be bothered with a bunch of questions, yet he just so happens to be marrying me who loves to ask questions. By nature I'm a very inquisitive type who not only enjoys asking questions but delving into the deeper psych of people.  Probably why I hold a degree in
psychology. :)

Meanwhile, the house search is still very stressful.  The man's lawyer buddy reviewed our realtors contract, well he found some big flaws that could hurt us.  Let's just say all those guarantees and promises the guy made in our first meeting were very misleading, turns out he sneakily put clauses and some things on the buyers contract that wasn't right.  Not to mention he originally told us we could walk at any time from the contract no strings attached but when we asked to do just that he wouldn't with out a new realtor paying a fee.

Seriously only this stuff happens to us.  After much back and forth the mortgage company we are working with found us a new realtor.  The new realtor was rather appalled to hear how the old realtor handled everything.  Feel like we wasted precious time, lost houses we should have gotten but there's nothing we can do now but move onward and upward I suppose.  All we want is a nice, smaller home close to family.

It's so hard to have that think positive attitude sometimes.  Yet if there's any truth to attracting what you think and project than I better start turning around my thoughts and quickly.  You get what you give right?  If that's so than I better start giving off more happy thoughts.  And yet when you're not feeling great it's hard to remain optimistic. Plus I'm more prone to worry about being let down if I think too positive and things don't change for the better. Think it's time to bring back some of that bodacious attitude I had in my twenties to the present.

Well think I've reached my limit on the computer for now, pushed it too much already.  Not to mention I've got a ton of stuff to accomplish and tackle!

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