Friday, June 24, 2016

Life Lately

Life.....lately it's felt chaotic, unnerving, stressful, confusing, out of control and what not.  What not is my go to word when I'm talking about a million things rolled into one. ha

I've sucked at blogging as my dizziness hasn't been allowing me to be on the computer much.  Even so much as glancing at my smart phone can bring on a bout of dizziness and head pressure.  While I know I should not even chance it by being on here a part of me needs to release the pent up thoughts.

The head pressure I'm feeling is impossible to even put into words but some days I find my teeth chattering because of it.  Even had some headaches accompanying it that Tylenol has been useless in resolving.  And if you know me, you know I don't like taking anything including Tylenol unless it's bad.

The dizziness and head pressure have become unrelenting affecting even sleep.  It's driving me crazy.  And no one even those that love me can possible understand what I'm experiencing or going through each day.  The stress of living with a chronic condition such as a vestibular migraine disorder is just maddening.  I'm beginning to even wonder if the specialists even have the diagnosis right.  I've had flares in the past but this might be one of the worst.

Meanwhile the stress of it and a long list of other things going on in my life at the moment is only complicating everything.

Wedding planning has of course fallen on me, the girl who wanted to elope...imagine that.  At times I get annoyed, and even start to question if I truly want to get married.  Think I suffer from FOC (fear of commitment). The idea of taking vows before God and then being legally joined occasionally freaks me out.

Find myself pondering the ways in which the man and I are different, then analyzing if we really are a good match.  I've come to learn it's better to be similar in nature than opposite, there's more harmony and life just flows easier.  Being opposite in nature seems to cause more conflicts to arise.  Feel like the man and I are in many ways like ying and yang.  We each have a hard time understanding the other in certain aspects and areas of life because of those ways in which we are complete opposites.

All the while we have been trying to buy a home too.  Talk about stress, the idea of such a serious commitment and investment has me freaking out too.  FOBO (Fear of Better Options) comes into play here.  We tours houses but than I wonder if there might be something better out there, maybe we should wait until that perfect houses comes along...only problem is with our budget that so called perfect house just doesn't exist.  Truth is there will always be some imperfections yet my brain still says keep looking.  Let's just say I suck when it comes to making decisions! ;)

The highlight of life lately has been spending time with my sister, niece and nephew.  I'm completely adore my newborn nephew.  He is precious and holding him is so relaxing. It's hard to put into words how special he is or how grateful I am for any moment I get to spend with them.

Though my sister is experiencing a lot of stress as well right now.  My nephew has been crying a lot, sometimes hours at a time, which makes it hard for her to do anything especially sleep.  My niece isn't on her best and is giving my sister a brutal time. My sister has been through so much the past few months and I'm worried about her health as well.

 Not sure men even realize all that a woman does and all the responsibilities they take on daily.  Having a child is not easy on women, their bodies are trying to recover especially hormonally and she was high risk due to other health stuff...meanwhile they have to breastfeed their babies or pump every so many hours, still take care of all the other children and household responsibilities not to mention many continue to have to work.  It's insane when you think about all women do and for which many men will never understand.  Imagine if men even experienced pms?  I'm sure one week a month would be allotted off from work.

Oh and on top off that the company my mother works for got bought out, so even she is experiencing a tremendous amount of stress.  At 69 she doesn't feel ready to retire and yet doesn't feel comfortable working for a huge corporation. What's worse yet is her position could have to be transferred to another corporate office which isn't close to where they live.   Her company was a small, family owned business but it got taken over by a giant company.  In general this year has been filled with so much change and stress for our entire family.

That's life lately and I'm praying it can ease up a bit soon.  Maybe even send a bit more happiness, health and peace all our ways.

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