Monday, January 5, 2015

Monday Musings

We rang in the New Year quietly at home, with a filet mignon dinner and a game of risk.  Which honestly is  more fun than going to a crowded, over priced meal at some fancy restaurant. 

The man basically spent the week laying on the couch watching tv. On those feel awful days of mine I would give anything to not have to lay on the couch, and he would give anything to lay on it.

We had plans for a shopping date on Friday which he cancelled for the couch.  Then Saturday he cancelled plans to run errands.  Definitely not reliable, never sure if he will keep his word or not. It can feel frustrating.  But I got bigger worries right now.

Not even going to sugar coat here as health wise things have been rough. This summer I was beginning to think maybe the dizzy spells were getting better, unfortunately the past few months have shown that not to be true.  They have come back with a vengeance.  Lately just closing my eyes trying to sleep makes me dizzy.  There is only so much one can take before feeling exhausted, hopeless, annoyed, desperate for answers and questioning why. 

The problem is the continued stress of the dizziness on my body seems to be taking a real toll on other systems. My heart and muscles seem to be more affected by it now too.  To say the doctor are puzzled is an understatement.  I fail their tests, they can see something isn't right but they don't know what is causing it nor how to treat it.  I hold out hope that the specialists at John Hopkins will be able to help, a part of me feels worried what if they have no answers?  What then. It has me scared.

I shouldn't even be using the computer, as I know it will only make me feel worse.  But what is one suppose to do when they can't read, watch tv, use computer, read phone or do anything that seems to involve focus or movement.  I'm fed up with everything.  It's not exactly how I wanted to be starting off the new year. And surely not complaining about it one here but yet feel the need to express myself as well.

Even this blog suffers because of my dizziness as I can't give it my all, or devote the effort I would like to it. My photography has even gone down hill because of having to limit my time on the computer. Something has to give.  I need answers, faith, hope, love, solutions, healing.   And less stress, more relaxation.  

1 comment :

  1. I'm so sorry for the dizziness! That doesn't sound fun at all. I hope you feel better soon.


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