Tuesday, July 15, 2014

Wisdom Watching Judge Toler


The man was watching one of those judge shows on tv the other day. I happened to be eating lunch so could hear it. This one involved Judge Lynn Toler, who runs Divorce Court, but now is also doing some kind of premarital show you would more likely expect to see on Dr Phil.  She had a couple on who were there to determine if they should pursue getting married. This couple had some issues but then again who doesn't, just look at the divorce rates these days.

Of course my man was saying how the girl had issues, but he said nothing about her fiance who had issues with alcohol, drugs, porn and gambling, who spent his days watching a lot of tv. And when I said that sounded like the man a few years back, he just looked at me in some what of disbelief.

Truth is the man never saw himself like that, still cannot admit that much of what he did was wrong. His addiction to pills gets blamed on any and all bad stuff without trying to understand or talk about it.  And I realized as he talked about the woman having issues he didn't want to see the man's. Because deep down he had to realize that at one point in time it sounded a lot like himself.

It's one of the reasons from the time he admitted his addiction to painkillers, and all the other bad stuff that came with it I insisted he needed counseling.  He needed to address and understand not only the addiction but those other not so great things.  He could never understand how hurtful and rotten some of those things he did were, he didn't believe he had any issues or things that needed work.  And how can one learn anything if they don't open themselves up to their truths whether good or bad.

But most, at one time or another can't see their own truths.  It's easier to focus or numb ourselves to anything but such things.

Truth is watching that judge show made my stomach turn.  I knew exactly how that girl felt.  The things the judge said and questioned were things my own family, friends and even strangers had brought up.  Remember the man's own mother wondering why I put up with all I had. Not sure even I knew the answer to that, just that sometimes we have our own reasons which would make no sense to others.  Looking back think the hardest part is when we can't see our own truths, or others cannot see theirs. Or we deny them all together.

Watching that tv show made me want to scream through the tv, to tell the girl she deserved better.  To find her truth. Wanted to tell her that no matter what negativity came out of his mouth to ignore it that sometimes unhappy people who are self destructing will try to hurt and make others unhappy.  Just could not imagine why she would put up with what she did. But yet at the same time there was a part of me that understood.  Because we all get lost along the way.  Sometimes we need to experience such things to find our own truth, or find our way back to it.

You know that saying....be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about.  It's true too.  We all have thing to learn and experience things that no one can do for us.

And that judge show made me realize every one experiences the good and bad, every one is given life lessons in the hopes that it will awake them, that they will see the truth and use it to not only better themselves but help others as well. Often it comes in ways we least expect.  But in every story, whether our own or another, there is a lesson to be learned and wisdom to be gained.  We simply have to listen. Along with listening means also finding the courage and strength to follow what we know to be true not what we want to be true.

Some will find and learn their truths, others will not. Either way life will keeping trying to show us the way and guide us to what is right. 

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