Monday, May 19, 2014

Monday Musings

Since Angel left us I've been trying to keep busy as it helps with all the various emotions. Words simply cannot express how much I miss her. Morning and night we always snuggled, those are the hardest times of day now.  Miss feeling her snuggled into my neck, across my chest or sleeping on top of  my head. Miss our little talks where her head would tilt side to side trying to figure out what I was saying, yet some how she always seemed to know.

Give it time is what others say, but time will not bring back my little one. A part of my heart will always be with her.  Learning to live without her is going to be hard. And I'm always going to miss her.

Yet at the same time there have been moments I would like to get a dog.  For many years while Angel was still alive I wanted to bring another dog into our world, but her health had ups and downs so there never seemed like a good time. Plus immune system issues and always worried another dog would upset that. She was always our first priority. 

But now even though I miss her terribly, still wonder if it would be okay to bring another dog into our life?  Some people wait years others choose to get a dog right away.  Angel opened my world to the beauty and love of dogs. She enlightened us to how many dogs need good homes. And honestly cannot imagine my life without dogs running around, but just hope Angel would not feel as if she was being replaced. I feel guilty for even thinking about getting a dog, yet hope she would understand. Truth is she could never, ever be replaced.  Angel will always hold a special place in my heart and soul, she will always be my first love!

Meanwhile, there have been family parties. My niece celebrated her sixth birthday. And my sister had a gallbladder attack on the day of her party.  She worked so hard to make the party perfect for my niece then ended up spending most of it in her bedroom sick and curled up in pain.  There is something so helpless feeling about seeing the people you love in pain.  Wanted her to go to the er, but the great mommy she is didn't want to ruin the party. Though the doctor did say if it happens again she is to go to the er. 

Caught up with mother for lunch and a little shopping. We went to Olive Garden, where I had the most delicious vanilla soda.  Not really a soda drinker but this was delicious. My mother is still missing her little Scottie as well. She can relate to all the emotions.  Though so can my sister who lost her faithful greyhound a few years ago, but she was down the shore so she could not join us.

Also have been busy gardening and working outside.  The man reseeded the lawn and I planted a bunch of container gardens.  Already a bird made a nest in one of the fern hanging baskets. Of course there is a special place for little one as well, a Westie statue with beautiful pots of petunias around it.  And also found beautiful Angel solar powered lights, their colors are the spectrum of the rainbow and continuously change. Thought they would glow white but given the rain bridge poem it makes sense they would glow colors!

We miss our little one so much. There are no words to describe how we feel. Yet understand that life continues on and some how so must we.  She will always be with us in heart, spirit and soul.

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