Monday, February 24, 2014

Monday Musings

This Monday life is feeling overwhelming.  Everything about it has felt challenging lately.

This Sunday on top of the bad news from last week, we were informed my parents Scottie has multiple lung tumors and isn't going to make it.  No words could possibly describe how my family is feeling.  She deserves her own post.

Then there's the dizzy spells which have been occurring much more frequently again.  It's interesting as one doctor pointed out they seem to occur more when my body is in a relaxed state. Saw my doctor for a check up but she has been as puzzled as all the other specialists, so we preparing records to send to John Hopkins, hoping they will accept my case. 

 Meanwhile life with the  man feels like that ground hog day movie with the man wanting to spend most him time on couch watching tv, sleeping or on computer. Something just feels off with him since May it seems like his whole demeanor has changed. Thought him being free of all the pain meds would change a lot but he seems even more quiet, tired, distance and moody now. Ever since the seizure it seems to have gotten worse. 

And today I really need to just let out all the pent up feelings.....

Feeling.....

Worn out by the week. Sick of the dizzy spells.  The need to be in nature. Frustrated with the man's unpredictable attitude and lack of interest in anything other than sports. Disillusioned with life. A little lonely.  Disappointed by choices made over recent years. Need to make changes but not sure how or what. Upset over little ones diagnosis.  As if the weight of the world is on my shoulders. That I want to throw out every tv in our house as it running sixteen plus hours a day just feels unhealthy. If Spring doesn't come soon we may all go crazy.

Okay so maybe they are not the most positive feelings at the moment, but sometimes we have to let out the negative feelings to make room for the positive.  At least I hope so. 

So I'm wishing, hoping and praying that the universe will shower us with good health, happiness, kindness, prosperity and love soon.


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