Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Positivity, Reality, Dreams

Be happy with who you are now, and let your positivity inspire your journey into tomorrow. Everything that happens in life is neither good nor bad. It just depends on your perspective. And no matter how it turns out, it always ends up just the way it should. Either you succeed or you learn something. So stay positive, appreciate the pleasant outcomes, and learn from the rest. Your positivity will help encourage those around you.

Sometimes we stumble upon words just when we need to hear them. Which makes me wonder do we stumble upon them or are they put there just for us? Is it destiny or serendipity? Or maybe me just thinking too deep? :)

Whatever it is some days I seem to come across just the words I need to hear. For the most part I try to think positive, but have my moments like everyone else.  Moments that can evoke our inner desires and thoughts to reveal themselves.

For instance recently a friend of mine got married, and another engaged. While I feel incredibly happy for them I can't help but think it should be us. These past few years they have worked hard at building and creating joyful, loving life together. Noticed the word worked, as I truly believe nothing in life including relationships thrives without attention, nurturing and work.

Meanwhile, the man and I have been together a while, longer than many married couples. Living together all these years feels like we are married though it isn't quite the same. My neighbors all assume we are married. My friends and family ask when we are going to make it official. And yes I can pretend it doesn't bother me but truth is a part of me would be lying.

Yet it's also personal and sometimes hard to put into words as even my views sometimes change. Of course it's even harder to understand on here as only a small percentage of everyone's lives are shared, we get little glimpses but not exactly whole pictures. 

Like any couple we have experienced good and bad times. The good have sustained us through the more difficult times. We have dealt with some incredibly hard issues especially his pill addiction and the lies associated with it.  They all but ripped apart everything I believed to be true. Some of his actions during that time have been hard to forgive as they hurt deeply. The lies seemed almost surreal, like their own addiction. Plus the debt incurred during those years feels like a heavy weight. Not to mention personality changes as a person acts different high than sober.  And the recovery hasn't exactly been easy nor gone as imagined, as it's one thing to give up a substance but equally important to work on changing deeper things about oneself as well.  There's a lot of various components that's for sure.  Something for a whole other post.

Truth is building trust back, finding forgiveness are no easy feats....it takes commitment, open communication, honesty, patience, understanding, work and a lot of soul searching. 

Yes I realize I'm not perfect. I've had my share of struggles especially health, not being able to work at times,etc., those things haven't been easy either. Through it all it sometimes it feels like my dreams, desires and even values got put on the back burner and it's been difficult. Yet it's those very dreams that tend to sustain us during the tough times. In a way suppose they give us a sense of hope.

So when I see my friend getting married it feels happy yet bitter sweet. Even if we want to get married it's not exactly like there's any money for it now. When I think of some of the stuff that came before us it hurts.  Remember when the man brought home flowers....daisies to signify a new happy life together, and red roses professing his love. Talked about plans for a brighter future. Little did I know at the time the ups and downs still ahead. And it made me realize there were things that need more attention and focus....accountability, compassion, dependability, honesty, understanding, communication, to name a few.

Of course that doesn't mean that in my heart I still don't long for that fairytale stuff. Or that I don't dream of a heartfelt proposal and romantic wedding. Or beautiful sparkly ring. Or being able to buy a house. Or for my partner to always be dependable, honest, good communicator, loyal and loving. I'm a romantic so of course I dream of those things.  And there are days when I think we aren't getting any younger, and will those dreams come true.

Fact is there are good days and not so good. But isn't that life? Each one of us have our own struggles to deal with, journeys to walk and lessons to learn.  Least I forget that in many situations in life we have a choice as well. And our choices can very well lead to our dreams or lead us astray.

For the most part I try to think positive, try to focus on the good and creating a happy life. But things aren't always easy, and the challenges of life can feel daunting some days. Those moments can at times consume us but they also have the potential to make us stronger, wiser and lead us to who we are meant to be. And that is what is important to focus on.

Being happy doesn’t mean everything is perfect, it means you’ve decided to look beyond the imperfections. There are choices you can make every day to feel the effects of happiness. Choose to be around the right people. Choose to focus on what you have, not on what you haven’t. Choose a good attitude. Choose to express gratitude. Choose to forgive. Choose to take care of your body. Begin today by taking responsibility for your own happiness. The choice is yours.

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