Monday, December 3, 2012

Love Is

Inspired by a conversation with a friend, and pondering happiness within love decided to put those thoughts into words....

They often say the loneliest feeling does not come from being alone. It is being with someone, but feeling alone.  In fact, it is this feeling that is responsible for many if not most rifts in relationships.

The idea of a healthy partnership is one that usually requires equal participation in how both people feed all aspects of a relationship.  Meaning physical, intellectual, emotional and spiritual aspects of a relationship must be fed by both in order for the partnership to feel balanced.  No matter which one of these aspects is starving from input by either member, that is where one or both people will feel alone in the relationship. 

Fact is since childhood what we really want in any relationship is to truly connect.

To be physically, emotionally, intellectually and/or spiritually alone in a relationship can feel not only lonely but hurtful because that hope of connection becomes lost.  Which usually means a break down in communication with regards to those four aspects.  Being in a relationship means being present in the relationship,taking responsibility and engaging one another in all those aspects mentioned.  Yet the distractions of life can be all consuming, tearing apart many a relationship if let.  Those distractions only cause walls to be built. Instead of building walls people need to learn to build bridges.

Feeling alone though can happen in the best of relationships because each of us comes with our own likes, dislikes, needs, desires, hopes and dreams.  We are each unique yet each want to be loved as well.  And when lonely feelings creep in it can be because people want something deeper then they are currently experiencing with the other person.

People want their dreams of what love feels like.  They will differ in some ways, but they come from a place of deep hope and desire another will be able to understand completely and deliver what is needed physically, emotionally, intellectually and spiritually.  When we understand that each person comes into the relationship with similar hopes and desires it can be a powerful place to begin building closeness.

A reminder that loneliness can only be overcome if both people in a relationship come to the realization they are in it together. Their ideas about love can be different but they have to want to achieve, compromise and work at those four aspects with the other. Yes work as people don't grow closer without it. Problem is people become lazy they figure they already have the person and their love, but just because they have the person doesn't mean they will keep the person or their love. Nurturing is essential to any successful relationship. As is taking responsibility for not only words but actions. Words of love are great but actions often times speak even louder.

Each person has to be willing to find ways to connect and help make the other achieve happiness in those four areas physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual because they begin to understand that when the other is happy they are too. When people are willing to give a relationships their all, put as much work into it as they do all their other passions in life....anything is possible!

And isn't this what we are all really after to feel accepted, understood, connected, whole, happy and loved!

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