Thursday, July 19, 2012

Broken Promises

Promise- A promise is a commitment by someone to do or not do something.

Over two years ago my man made a few very important promises.  Ones that  meant a lot to me, ones I truly believed he meant.  But recently I found out two of those promises had been broken.

I knew years ago when we went to get a place together he had bad credit, debt he blamed on identity theft.  I trusted what he said until in 2010 when his bmw almost got repossessed because of unpaid bills. That's when I found out that most of the debt was his. (though he somehow found money to pay a bookie in his younger years he avoided paying off his accruing bills)  Somehow we got through it.  But only because he promised, basically swore it would never happen again.

Fast forward to the present.  I took over the finances and seeing that they were paid on time.  He only had to handle his car and phone bill, as he wanted to maintain some responsibility.   I would go over bank statements to confirm he was paying on time.  Until the vertigo hit then for months on end I was unable to read.  And he fell behind , literally had five months of late car payments.  And few phone ones as well. For no reason as there was enough money in his account to cover both.

Those little decisions and his procrastination are costly, as they may cost us an opportunity to buy a house.  To say I'm upset is putting it lightly.  I trusted him, he let me down.   You see, the banks may have overlooked his past debt especially since he has been attempting to pay it off,  they will also do that if in recent years payments have been made on time.   The fact that a large loan wasn't may now have a substantial impact.  He is a financial analyst with an MBA! (how did he let this happen)

If house hunting was stressful before it is now almost in a state of desperation.  He isn't worried as he says he has always found places....yes years ago before the major debt showed up, or rooms in friends houses, had to settle for towns that were not exactly safe, or put in lots of work to even be considered.

Worst yet he hasn't even offered up an apology, nor looked at the report to confirm it's correct. His response tends to be oh well, get over it.   His actions lead me to feel he just doesn't care.   To think all those weekends/nights/mornings he zoned out to tv , working on his website or tweeting away.... and .all it would have took was 5 minutes...a measly 5 minutes once a month to pay the car bill.  Problem is when he isn't working, he doesn't want to be bothered with anything other than his website.  Even doing dishes gets him annoyed.  It's great that he feels such passion toward his sports website but he needs to be more present in other areas as well. There needs to be more of a balance. This could be said for anything in life.
 
Trying to talk to him about the finances, bills or anything important is like pulling teeth.  The man shuts down, gets defensive, makes it difficult to have a conversation.  He has pushed me to the point where I think to myself why do I bother, if he doesn't care why should I?  But the fact is I care.  I'm not one that can just sit back and not try to do something, not try to help, or give everything I have.
For once I feel so let down that I'm not sure what to do.  Breaking a promise, especially one by a loved one, simply sucks. What more can I even say.

I felt so elated the other night at the possibility we finally were on the path to buying a house. (especially with the interest rates at an all time low)  That all the hard work I thought we had been doing was about to pay off.  I've spent hours on the phone, computer and reading books trying to find us a place.  But then to find out the most important loan on the report was not being paid on time felt like I got kicked in the stomach.  As for the other broken promise I have yet to process that one. The doctors say to avoid stress  but it seems impossible.  It's near impossible to remain calm let alone not get upset in certain situations.

Oh there will always be ups and downs in relationships like in anything else in life. Good, bad and the in between.  Ask a couple who has been together for 50 years they stress over and over it takes work combined with numerous other virtues.  And promises may occasionally get broken or be tested.  But getting past broken promises is tricky because it just leaves you wondering if you can ever trust someones word again.  That's the hard part. Oh I'm sure I will eventually get over it but for now I simply feel hurt.

Lesson learned, my mantra now....always check both you and your partners financial statements every month no matter how you feel.  Analyze, compare, balance, confirm due dates of bills or loans and make sure they are being paid on time....don't just assume they are.  Finances should be talked about openly when in a relationship this is very important as the experts say finances are the leading cause of disagreements among couples. If you get in financial trouble seek help right away from consumer counseling groups.  In addition, run free credit checks....all 3 credit companies allow reports to be run for free once a year meaning every four months one could run a report if need be.  It's good to stay up on those things especially in this day and age of identity theft.  Having good credit especially in a poor economy can mean a lot.


And the wise words of this quote says it all.  It's simple people need to care it makes all the difference in the world between defeat and success!

“Unless someone cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It's not.”

This was a little inspiration I found as well.  As I strongly believe on trying to focus on the positive.




1 comment :

  1. great, inspirational post!

    Stop by and say hello at nichollvincent.blogspot.com!

    have a great day!

    ReplyDelete

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