Thursday, May 10, 2012

Woe Moments

This morning I gave into a woe is me moment, something I think we all experience from time to time.

There were errands I wanted and needed to get done today.  While eating breakfast the dizziness seemed to rear its unpleasant self, thought maybe it would just be a mild episode and would pass.  So got showered, then proceeded to head out door but as I bent down to pick the doggie up wham things start spinning.

So I sit down for a few minutes, maybe it was just one of those positional vertigo spells.  I so badly want to get these errands done.  Finally get dog in car, but as I start driving realize the vertigo is just not going away.  In fact, the motion of the car was making it way worse....my head felt like it was going to explode with pressure as things whirled around me.  Literally made a bee line for home and could barely get in door felt so dizzy and weak. 

And then the woe is me moment happened....tears started streaming down my face, I felt sad yet angry at the same time.  The life is unfair, coupled with the why me, then the why can they not find a cure for this health crap I've been experiencing perused through my thoughts.  If those thoughts weren't bad enough  the I'm missing out on life and everything I want to do ones crept in. 

For the most part I try to remain optimistic about these dizzy spells, try to focus on the good, be grateful for what I do have, blah,blah,blah....but instances like today bring everything I have been trying to ignore about the dizziness to the surface, the realization that these dizziness spells are not going away and that they have such control leave me feeling rather helpless yet angry too.  I want my independent, do anything lifestyle back.

After all the specialists visits to various so called experts for the vertigo/dizzy spells and no one having any answers or even cures I kind of gave up for awhile on seeing more experts .  By gave up I mean I hit a wall of sorts.  My family doctor didn't know what to do or who she could even send me to that might be able to really figure these spells out. 

The hardest aspect of all this is the vast unknowns. Some of the top experts are simply puzzled. They have theories such as head or post concussion related type injury, atypical migraine, inner ear issues, auto immune disorders, hormonal imbalance, nerves problem in the brain/neck/spine, the theories are vast but solutions none. 

The vertigo/dizzy spells usually bring tingling on the left side of my body, nausea, weakness and even a sense that it's hard to swallow. (and quite a few other unpleasant symptoms that I won't even go into here)  Hence why they lean toward thinking something in the brain is malfunctioning even though the MRI looked fine.  Many of the tests produce or show there is vertigo but none point to a conclusive origin.  They have tried various medicines but nothing works, or works without nasty side effects.

So I decided to see if I could simply read adjust my life around these spells.  If I could even try to ignore them to a certain extent.  But honestly that isn't working as the fact of the matter is the dizziness is severely limiting.  Not being able to drive some days is tough (can't even get myself to the doctors).  Cannot even enjoy being in the sun, nor reading a good book as it can bring on a nasty spell. Go figure.  Honestly kind of hard to do anything when you feel like things around you are whirling.  And I'm not  exactly the type that likes to sit around doing nothing. 

I'm sort of just feeling left out of life.  Hello I just want to be out and about, ya know accomplishing things.  Try as I may to focus on the positive, I realize there will still be moments like today where the dizziness might win and where the negative emotions might just get the best of me.

I'm learning that sometimes we just need to embrace those moments as well....life is not perfect, nor is it fair some times.  But if we allow ourselves a woe is me moment occasionally it won't hurt, may even help to release all those pent up negative emotions, feelings, thoughts and whatever else.  Key is to have those moments then let them go.  As I think no matter how bad something is to focus on it only makes it worse.  Besides there is always someone else who has it worse.

So woe on being stuck at home feeling like my world is spinning around me today.  But at least I have a pantry stocked with food, pretty flowers to look at, a beautiful vanilla candle to smell, ginger tea which helps with nausea and the internet to turn to if I need to buy anything important that cannot wait until I can get out!














 







4 comments :

  1. I am so sorry you are having to go through that. I don't know what is worse going through it or going through it when no one can give you answers. Hugs from Dallas!

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    1. Thank you! Yes I agree it's very unpleasant but then no one having any answers definitely makes it worse. It's amazing with all the technology we have yet there is still so much that remains a mystery.

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  2. Oh, sweetie. Health problems are so discouraging and your situation sounds miserable! :( Years ago I went through a 6 month period where I had terrible bouts of vertigo, so I think I have some idea of what you're feeling.

    I'm sorry for what you're going through; I do hope that you're able to find some answers, soon. For what it's worth, I think you have a *great* attitude despite your circumstances - this can only help!

    P.S. I love fresh ginger in my tea!

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  3. Thank you. I'm curious did the doctors figure out what caused your vertigo back then?

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