Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Dizzy Thoughts

In the wee hours this morning, when I was still dreaming and half waking the insidious vertigo snuck in.  I  hoped I wasn't really feeling it, tried to pretend by not opening my eyes that maybe it was just part of the dream but nope it was real.  So real that when I tried to close my eyes I felt like I was on a merry go round. 

Ever gently I opened my eyes, yup felt like I was spinning.  So for about a hour I lay there trying not to move my head, focusing on an object and even holding my eyes to my surprise I dozed for a hour.  But upon waking there it was again as I tried to get up the room violently felt like it was spinning....talk about nausea. 

Pretty much for the next few hours that is what I had to contend with until the nausea got so bad and I could no longer stand everything spinning that I tried taking medicine.   If you know anything about me it's that I dislike having to even take an aspirin.  So taking it always makes me feel defeated, not to mention sometimes comes with other side effects.  Isn't that the real kicker though?  The fact that there are medicines that help various conditions, but oh they can come with a host of side effects.  Doesn't make sense, still doesn't.

 I've done enough research to know that dizzy spells like this, the vertigo, etc, are really hard to pinpoint or reach a particular diagnosis. Let alone cure.  It's amazing just how many people suffer from various ailments, how many people have their lives changed by such things that have no answers, cures or even sometimes names.  We never even really think about it unless of course it happens to us. 

I haven't talked about the vertigo and dizzy spells much lately, what's their really to say....they still have no origin or cause and no one can seem to figure out how to heal it.  But it's still around and very much controlling my life.   For instance today my dad came over to help me get to a dr's appointment as I'm pretty much in no state to drive when the world around me is spinning. It's isolating, limiting, stressful, debilitating and a host of other things.  Hard to even explain to those who have never experienced it.

Though I try to remain positive, try to focus on the good it's hard not to let it get me down some days. I just want my life back.  My life has enough stress, if I ever want a real home it's up to me and I need to be able to do substantial work again.  And a million other overwhelming thoughts run through my mind.  But I cannot even afford those thoughts as stress is the enemy here, it can aggravate the vertigo even set it off.   I love doctors they say to try to relax, avoid stress, take it easy, but how is that possible. 

And that's all I have to share today.  What I need is to step outside, breath in the fresh air, watch the birds as they build their little nest on our patio, feel the warmth of the sun and keep this thought in mine....everything that shows up in our lives has something to teach us.