Monday, March 5, 2012

Monday Musings

This Monday I've got news,  my blog will be undergoing changes this month.  I enlisted help as trying to do it myself led to losing important information, links, and became more frustrating then fun.  So the process may take a few weeks and things may look a little disheveled until it is officially complete.  : )

The blog is a part of a bunch of changes I'm trying to make or create. The experiences and frustrations of this past year have led me to this point.  I realize the health issues I have been dealing with may never be cured or fully disappear.  I know now that I need to learn to some how accept it for what it is, to learn to create in some ways a new way of life around it,  instead of letting it and the fear it produces control me.  Easier said than done for sure, yes change is not easy.  But it's important to try, to do something than just nothing.

Yes it's time to make changes small and large. Even explore new career options since working eight hours on the computer or reading for hours seems not an option now.  Nor even sure I can depend on being able to drive everyday, and don't know how I will come to learn to accept or not live in fear of this health stuff.  But I'm determined to try.  I feel the need to find a way to live a deeper, more enriching, joyous life as opposed to just going along with the motions, routines, putting up with stuff and letting fear over ride everything.  

In ways I've grown tired of the uncertainty, the not sures, and unresolved things.  Cures not being found.  Dreams being put on the back burner.  Feeling the pressure to live up to society's or others expectations, standards, or unrealistic ideas. I've grown tired of hearing it must be this way or else, when in reality there are many ways and none more right than the other.

The problem is that many try so hard to be like everyone else we lose ourselves in the process.  We try to live up to society's or others expectations of what life should be like, look like, feel like, etc..  Life isn't all about all or nothing, life is about all those shades of grey in between.  It's those very same shades of grey that add such beauty to life, but often times we are so stuck on this idea of normal or being like everyone else that we lose sight of the greys. We so often think it has to be black or white, or nothing at all.

When things are less then perfect, or don't go the way we think they should, during those most difficult moments when we often want to give up or retreat, those are the moments we most need to change our thoughts, ways or whatever else.  To realize it's part of the ebb and flow of life.  Find a way to dig deep inside ourselves, to find compassion, understanding, love, kindness, non judgement, acceptance, etc., for ourselves and others. 

During those moments I believe is when the  real change, growth, wisdom, and all that other good stuff happens.  

Let the changes begin. 

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