Tuesday, January 31, 2012


"There are two basic motivating forces: fear and love. When we are afraid, we pull back from life. When we are in love, we open to all that life has to offer with passion, excitement, and acceptance. We need to learn to love ourselves first, in all our glory and our imperfections. If we cannot love ourselves, we cannot fully open to our ability to love others or our potential to create. Evolution and all hopes for a better world rest in the fearlessness and open-hearted vision of people who embrace life.” 
This quote by John Lennon is resonating more lately now then ever.   As I find myself overwhelmed with more fear it's hard to embrace the positive of life let alone the love.  Fear will do that to one.
It's crazy how overwhelming fear can be, and he impact it can have on just about everything.  I never imagined living with such fear but yet it is something I have experienced much of lately.  These unpredictable and often times uncontrollable issues I have been dealing with lately have just left me feeling so fearful.  But it's more than just that it's being fearful of the unknown, or in my case the seemingly incurable that seems to generate more fear.  My health issues have generated a fear that seems to have spiraled out of control.  Though don't the controllables of life tend to make us all a little fearful.  It's hard to put into words.   
It's a very annoying feeling, in many aspects fear is paralyzing.  It tends to affect every area of life as well.  And if one is a worrier, or high strung like myself it sure doesn't help matters either.  Of course I don't have a lot to focus on at the moment so that doesn't help because the mind needs something healthy and positive to focus on, you know to distract itself.  Too much thinking is even worse for fear.  And those days when I cannot read, or even paint those are hard because my mind is left to focus on the fear.
To even look back upon some of the things I have done throughout the years it's hard to believe I feel such fear now.  People use to tell me they could not believe I would do some of the things I did without fear yet I did.  There were moments I gallivanted around the world without a care or worry which seems so hard to believe now, took risks that would leave many shaking.  So you see it's hard to accept nor believe I can even feel such fear now.  It doesn't feel like me.  But I suppose we all have lessons to learn as well.  What exactly that is I'm not sure some days. 
But on the other hand I guess I have learned a lot as well.  Such as to not take the small things for granted.  Any day we can simply walk around the block, drive to the store, go to work or snuggle with our love ones is a blessing.  Never judge anyone until you have walked in their shoes.  Love people unconditionally because that's the only way to true love.  Stand up for what one believes to be right and believes in as opposed to putting up with things that our soul knows isn't right and will only hurt us.  And something this has really taught me is we are not defined by what we do for a living, what material things we have, where we live, etc, so much as we are defined by who we are when it's all taken away.  When all the superficial stuff of life is put aside who are we really.   
So yes I've learned some valuable lessons but still the fear seems to reside.  Lets face it it's scary when we are faced with health issues that cannot be cured, or have unknown reasons for even occurring.  When my heart skips a beat I cannot help but fear the way it makes me feel bad or well the symptoms that accompany it.  And when the room spins I cannot help but fear I may never get my independent nature back or that I may be stuck with this for life.  Fear can spiral out of control quickly sometimes especially when the body doesn't feel well. 
So I goggled fear, and you may call it coincidence or guidance from a higher power but I came across the most amazing blog post about fear.  It's inspiring to say the least.  And so I feel I must share the link to it.  The Positivity Blog  But as with all the other things I've read on fear the biggest advice anyone seems to give is to face fear.  The advice itself is very profound but of course much easier said then done.
But I do think the Roosevelt's said it best.
"The only thing we have to fear is fear itself." 
 You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, ‘I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.’ You must do the thing you think you cannot do.”


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