Monday, December 19, 2011

Monday Musings


The weekend started out rough.   On Saturday after being awake only twenty minutes I was overcome by a bout of vertigo.   That brought a sense of panic, it might have been low blood sugar as well because I woke up feeling ravenous.  If I get too hungry it can bring on nausea and a whole host of unpleasant sensations.  Overall it felt like everything from my head to my stomach was off.

The dizziness is just baffling. Then again so is the heart.  I'm keeping these detailed notes of activities, symptoms, etc but just cannot see a common trigger. Though the computer/tv do seem to make it worse. It's scary, an often times leaves me in tears of complete frustration.  I just don't understand with all the technology how they cannot figure out the root cause of it.

Anyway, the original plan was to take Angel to sit on Santa's lap.  This little pet boutique shop in a quaint little town filled with tree lined streets sparkling with white lights, and small shops on cobble stone streets.  I was hoping we might actually get to walk around as well but was simply thankful  to even make the short trip with the man to get her photo with Santa.

Just being able to do anything means so much.  In that moment I felt overwhelmed with gratitude, even though I still wasn't feeling no where near a hundred percent.  Snowflakes even began to fall which added a nice festive touch.  For whatever reason I have had a hard time getting in the holiday spirit this season so that moment of snow felt special.

Sunday we just stayed in, the man developed a nasty head cold and my head still was grappling with the dizziness.  We watched Tebow and the boys unfortunately they didn't beat the Patriots but that's okay because they can't win every game.  The man's head cold has me a little worried, as he doesn't  exactly cover his mouth when he sneezes or coughs, not to mention his tissues that get  left laying around.  And I don't think my immune system is exactly up to par these days.

(side note: the man looks right out of GQ when he goes to work but on weekends he has to wear these sports jackets and hats.  I always tell him I'm jealous of the people he works with because they get to see his dapper side, where as I get the throw anything on style)  haha  

(me completely bundled up as it was a chilly day in Philadelphia and trying to keep my balance was challenging)

Anyway, this Monday has me feeling some what exhausted, a little anxious and discouraged as well.  There is just so much I want to do,  answers I desperately seek and resolutions I deeply desire.  Yet I also feel like I'm lacking a sense of guidance, understanding and wisdom right now.

With the holidays approaching I read other people's wish lists but honestly haven not even created one yet.   The only thing I truly want for Christmas is to be healed from head to toe, and everything in between.  And I know that is asking for somewhat of a miracle but isn't that in some sense what Christmas is about.

At least we made it to Santa, heard a few carolers, saw some snow, got to experience the Christmas spirit if even for a little.  I'm grateful for that special moment.

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