Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Fear



The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.  


I believe that anyone can conquer fear by doing the things he fears to do, provided he keeps doing them until he gets a record of successful experience behind him. 


These two quotes by Eleanor and Franklin Roosevelt often come to mind when I am in the midst of overwhelming fear.

While deep down some where inside of me I know them to probably be true, in the midst of fear, well I sometimes lose faith in those very beliefs.  It's one of those....easier said then done, things of life.  

I fully admit to having moments in life where the fear I feel, feels like it is going to swallow me whole.   Obviously, I dislike such moments.  And you would think that somehow the mind could just rationalize or find enough logic somewhere in those type of situations to make everything better.  But sometimes no matter how much I tell myself to not let the fear take control, to not let the fear take over....well it simply does.  

And I very much dislike the fact that I am even fearful of certain things. As I feel that fear too often takes control or has the potential to make me lose sight of the happiness or joy that life has to offer as well.  Actually that probably bothers me the most. 

Today is no exception, as I wait for this appointment with the neurologist the supposedly renown ear specialist recommended I am filled with a mix of emotions, the predominant one....fear.  Scared what he will find, scared of what he won't find, scared he might not have an answer or solution, scared that I will be stuck with this dizziness and it's side effects, scared I might not ever feel normal again, scared of the tests he might want to run, and so on. 

I wish I could say I looked fear in it's face and stared it down, but for now it's more like I look fear in it's face and weep like a baby.  Honestly that is how I feel like one big baby when I don't feel well.   It's as if all my strength, courage, hope, and any other good emotion just crumbles like a cookie into a pile of crumbs.  Okay that analogy just made me a little too hungry for cookies. ha

Anyway, this morning as I await my appointment, the ride that will bring on even more dizziness, the tests that may await me, and all the other not so fun stuff I am trying hard to just understand the fear I feel.  I used to think I was fearless but as more difficult challenges of life came into my world I learned this was not true, but I think I also am learning that in the midst of fear are many a lesson I might not have learned had it not been for that very fear I felt.

Though I have no concrete answers or solutions when it comes to fear just yet, I do think life has things to teach us and maybe, just maybe, we need to feel fear to learn some of them.  Who knows for sure.

But talk about coincidences as I am writing this blog I get a photo message from my sister, an old clip board of hers that we used to post positive messages when we were younger.  Long behold at the top of them all "focus on where you want to go, not what you fear".  Amen.




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