Tuesday, October 11, 2011

And so today after months of waiting, my appointment with the renown ear specialist took place.  Only to be faced with a huge unknown.  He doesn't feel the dizzy/vertigo spells are peripheral or in layman's terms originating from the ear.  He suspects they are more central in nature, meaning originating from within the central nervous system or brain.   He is sending me to a neurologist who supposedly specializes in such cases. 

So two ear specialists seem to agree it is centrally located.  The original neurologist didn't quite have a clue, and here's praying the second one will.   Because for now they all agree they have no answers, no solutions, nothing to just make it go away.  No real proven medications that will completely take the sensation away.  How is that possible with all the technology and medicines we have available?

And that is what I refer to as an unknown in life.  In my opinion, it's one of those scary moments of life because this unknown is having and causing such debilitating effects, that are affecting every area of my life now.  The not knowing is difficult to comprehend. 

I'm done trying to put up fronts, trying to act strong, or hide the weaknesses that this dizziness has brought with it.  The tears have flowed more than a few times recently, mainly out of pure frustration and exhaustion over feeling this chronic of dizziness, and just wanting to feel good again I suppose.   And maybe even a little over the fact I didn't realize how good I had it before this. 

Things happen in life, stress fills our world in many different ways, and we simply lose track of what is really important in life.  At times I know I let that happen, yet this dizziness has brought a lot into perspective in many ways.  And for that I suppose I am grateful as it has opened up my mind, given me new perspective, shown me what is truly important, and provided enlightening insights. 

Though today the unknown still consumes me with fear as I deeply just want to feel healthy, strong, and vibrant again.  I want to be free of this dizziness and vertigo for good.  And I have no idea what to do, or how to feel better.  But I do know this health, love and happiness are the true wealths.  

What is called genius is the abundance of life and health. Thoreau

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