Monday, September 12, 2011

Monday Musings


All the days feel like they have been running together lately.   Like I have to think about what day of the week it actually is.  But being incapacitated with vertigo, not being able to do just about anything will do that.

In fact, today I basically said the heck with it and am trying to type through the spinning sensation because I've had it with staring at the wall.  Right now I need to write as an outlet to express all that is happening, my feelings, thoughts, you know what I mean because I'm a firm believer in not keeping it all in.  That is even worse for the body.

So what can I say.  I've had good days here and there, but the bad days are starting to become more frequent.  The attacks are increasing, to the point they can last for days now.  Something I never imagined was possible, oh but I learned it is.  But wow I cannot believe how much I took for granted before this.  Seriously it's amazing how we just go about our days never stopping to think about it all, until something literally stops us in our tracks making us taking notice.

Anyway,the ear specialist thinks it might not be just peripheral (meaning inner ear), she said she very much feels it is central too (meaning brain).  Much like the symptoms many athletes get after sustaining one too many concussions.  She wants to get another opinion that of a Dr in Philadelphia who specializes in vertigo, but of course they don't have an appointment available until December. (nothing like the health care system)  Anyway, she consulted with my neurologist and then contacted this other doctor's office so we are all waiting on the edge of our seats to see if they can somehow manage to convince him to see me earlier. 

Let's just say I won't hold my breath because this guy supposedly sees people from all over the country so appointments sound very hard to come by, and they make it sound like squeezing in appointments is a rarity. (bet if I was a high profile athlete they would find a way)  And sometimes the admin could be a little nicer, instead of copping attitude like some of them do.  I understand they may be overwhelmed but when dealing with patients who feel horrible they need to find a way to be a tad more compassionate. 

And if you have never experienced vertigo or wondering what it is, well put a backpack of books on your back and spin around real fast about 20 or more times, then maybe ride the tilt of wheel at the amusement park.  It's basically a sensation of motion where an individual or their environment feels like it is whirling, usually accompanied by a loss of balance. 

 It leaves me unable to drive, and begging for rides to just about anywhere.  Food shopping has become like walking one of those rickty bridges at a fun house or like trying to walk after too many alcoholic beverages.  

 Like anything else if someone has never experience it first hand themselves it's really, very hard to understand.  So sorry if I sound like I'm complaining too much but I just need to let out how I really feel.   This is my journal and these thoughts of mine needs journaling. ha

Anyway, this Monday I'd give anything to just feel good again.  Come on universe pretty please could you send a miracle this way and cure this dizziness/vertigo for good? 

If I sound a tad desperate that is because I am.   I just want to have my life back.  To be able to work, read a book, use the computer, watch tv, drive a car, walk around the block, go anywhere for that matter, and simply just participate in life again!

Whomever comes across this, whomever decides to read to this point.....please appreciate your health right now, don't put off the things you love and want to do because you never know how quickly you might not be able to do them.   And Monday might seem like the worst day of the week but trust me if you feel good today it's the best day of the week! 

Yeah I'm feeling whirly so probably should wrap this up, but it feels good to just write.  So before I become unable to click on the publish bottom above I think I will leave it at that for this Monday.

And maybe I simply need to remind myself of this....

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