Friday, May 20, 2011

Unconditional Love

"we come to love not by finding the perfect person, but by learning to see and imperfect person perfectly"

Unconditional love is possibly one of the most beautiful things in the world.  And I believe only when love comes with no conditions is it true and real.  When people feel they are free to be completely themselves, accepted and loved for exactly who they are, not what they are.  In many ways it requires unselfishness to the highest degree.

And so it was a recent story from a friend that left me pondering love. As she told me a story about how her live in boyfriend of many years informed her recently he didn't want to get married unless they had a child first, as he wanted to make sure they could have kids. (they are both getting older I suppose)  Meanwhile she has been patiently waiting for him because when they first met he had told her he took marriage seriously (his parents are divorced) so creating a strong relationship was more important than anything even having kids, that they could explore other alternatives like adoption if need be.  Think those are the pertinent details.
I thought to myself real love doesn't issue ultimatums like that. Well at least that's what I feel.  It can't be love if one person will just disappear if their ultimatum isn't met.  And it's sad to think people might treat love like that, or treat another's love rather insignificantly like it is easily disposable.  And that is where love separates itself into two forms.  Unconditional and conditional.

Unconditional love is love given without any conditions, it's true and genuine. The love has no limits or boundaries, it does not require anything but one to be exactly who they are, imperfections and all. It is freely given without expectations of receiving in return. It looks past all those things one thinks they supposedly need to love someone. Unconditional love is loving another regardless of certain qualities or actions.  It is essentially holding another's heart in our hand like it is our own.

There is never an "if" in this equation, only a promise to love and support no matter what. Unconditional love is caring about the happiness of another person without any thought for what one might get for themselves. For example this is the kind of love that says in sickness and health, for better or worse and means it, doesn't run off when people or things change or are less then perfect.  It finds a way to make it through anything.  This love is based on emotions, feelings, intimacy, all things related to the heart and soul.

Unlike conditional love which depends on what is received from another person to give love in return.  This kind of love is selfish, superficial, and lacks substance. For example, I will love you are rich, if you have a great car, if you are pretty or handsome, if you have a good body, if you can have kids, if you are the perfect weight, if you hold a certain job or degree, if you do this or that for me, etc.. This love asks for something in return, it has a condition.  This kind of love stands in the way of real love.

As soon as "if" comes into the equation in whatever is conditional love. This kind of love is hurtful, it is not real it disappears quickly when the conditions are not met. It's based on things not feelings, emotions or intimacy. And if love can be that easily withdrawn than can it truly be love in the first place?

I suppose we must keep in mind that not everyone's soul is open to real love as well.  Maybe there are lessons to be learned before they can get there, or maybe they choose not to see the lesson being shown them.  There are many a person shut off from love due to past experience, family history, fear, etc., or maybe because they just know no better.  If only there could be required courses on love.  Or if only everyone could grow up knowing what it felt like to be loved unconditionally or to see it expressed between their family maybe that would help too.  Who knows....

Yes indeed, love is a complicated thing, but one thing is for sure there is nothing like unconditional love.  It's a rare gem to be treasured when one finds or has it. 

True unconditional love has the power to heal, bind people together, bring peace, and create infinite relationships  beyond our capacity to even imagine.  Anything is possible with this kind of love.

And I wish we could all learn how to love a bit more unconditionally, and stop trying to place conditions on love. 

"If you judge someone, you have no time to love them."


  1. beautiful..simple beautiful

  2. When i was looking for the meaning of Unconditional Love ..i found your site and i do really understand and i hope the one that i loved also understand. cause when you want to receive something good then you have to give more the good things without expect something in return. sincere and forgiveness

    thank you Ann

  3. I am so pleased I have found this site. I have been experiencing the giving of this true unconditional love and I have now found some understanding of how I have been feeling. You are my words x

  4. unconditional love is when you put the one you love before yourself.Its when WE defines oneself its when you care for another without the sense of Responsibility,duty,desire or any other thing.all these elements make love conditional when a sense of there things are not there and still yo find out that you love the person,That's unconditional love!


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