Thursday, March 3, 2011

Life Moments

"God is working things out for you, even when you don't feel it. Have faith and be thankful."

Wow I happened upon this quote today, and could not come at a better moment.  A moment where I feel I need God's help and support more than ever.  I need to know he is out there, that there is a purpose to all I've been going through lately and all I have had to deal with.  

As I laid in bed last night I prayed for calmness, understanding, strength, help, courge,trust, unconditional love and a few other things.  Although I strongly lean toward belief in a higher power there are those days where I still sometimes feel abandoned.  I think most people do at one time or another. And last night as I lay there at 2 am I felt so helpless.  And I think it was because my faith in the goodness of humanity felt shattered.  My love, faith, trust, you name it, the overall feeling of goodness in others felt rather crumbled, as if it vanished into the unknown darkness of life.

It is easy to believe when everything in life is going good, but happening upon those rough patches of life can really cause one to question and doubt their faith.  For me I struggle sometimes with why a God would let anyone feel such pain sometimes,whether emotional or physical. Those are the very moments it can be hard to sustain faith. Hard to believe in the goodness of life, in the goodness of others.

It is difficult to express in words.  Maybe it's that I feel deep down I'm a good person, with a good heart and soul, I try to always see the goodness in others, I give people more chances than they probably deserve at times, I would do anything for family and friends, I try to live a good life, be a good person with strong values and morals, work to try to constantly better myself, I try to be supportive and understanding, and well many other things as well.

Point is, and I think we all go through this at times, I just don't understand why life just can't be easier some days.  Why it seems just when I think everything is great, just at those moments where I feel an overwhelming sense of trust, happiness, love, and whatever else....something seems to happen to override those divine moments.

And I guess today is just one of those days where I feel lost in a world that can be hard to understand at times.  Where sometimes it feels goodness seems like a rare gem.

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