Monday, December 13, 2010

Monday Musings

Monday....and I'm awake at 5 am.  Completely sleepless and stressing.  Know what that means????  Yep I've been working on the dreaded monthly expenses yet again.  Seriously, every month when I have to deal with these I end up sleepless for a few days.  Ughhhhh....what a way to start a Monday. 

But let's go back a few days. Friday was just blah.  As I was making dinner the man texted me he was running to store for xmas.  Since we aren't exchanging gifts this year I asked for who, which he seemed to want to elude answering.  I thought it was a simply, standard question.  Which one would normally answer....mother,sister, whomever.  Anyway, not to him it wasn't.

And you see I'm the curious by nature type, I love to ask questions and he, well he hates questions. 

And I will say this, anytime people get defensive or act weird about answering simple questions I think they are trying to hide something.  I don't know if that is the psychologist or the woman in me.  As the quote says "truth fears no question"  Moving on......

Saturday was delightful, I was just able to have fun, laugh for no reason, and even be silly.  My sister,niece, and mother got together at my sisters house to make Christmas cookies. We literally baked from 9am to 5pm.  Then my sister and I donned a rather high latter to hang her outdoor Christmas lights.  We not only hung the lights but the hooks they hang on too, she has been waiting for years now.  (lets just say her husband put it off for awhile) haha  To see the happiness it brought her made me feel happy.  And her house looks so beautiful!

Although, my little doggie was up at 3 am with a stomach upset. (probably too many cookies)   Let me tell you, walking in the rain at 3 am is fun.  ; ) 

Sunday rolled around.  And reality of life was back.  Stress seemed to kick in gear.  You see....I love the holidays, love buying gifts and spoiling people!  (love it)   But this year without a job well that isn't a reality.  And I am feeling guilty and stressed over the fact that I can't buy gifts for the people I love.  It has me feeling out of sorts.  I'm just not fully enjoying this holiday season.

Yeah I know, I know the true spirit of the holiday season isn't about material things, but I want so much to be able to spoil and thank those in my family who give so much of themselves all year. (I love shopping for the little gifts that bring smiles and make people happy)  It is the feeling it brings people that I'm going to miss this year.

Second, the dreaded expenses are here again.  I swear the stress they bring with them is overwhelming. Mainly because without a job I'm trying to figure out where the money is going to come from, then in some way get upset with my man because he doesn't have to worry about the expenses like I do. (which isn't fair because he can't help that he has a job and I don't right now)  And then I get mad at myself for being jealous of his job and his not having to worry like I do.  Life is crazy. haha 

Just hate the way that stress can make you feel so on edge.  Like the little things that would normally never bother you, seem to bother you when your body is overwhelmed with the stress hormones.

Anyway, back to the holidays....

And did I mention, we are having Christmas eve dinner at our house this year! (that is huge and something my mother has always hosted)  But this year their kitchen/house is under revnovation.  So I just found out I'm hosting Christmas Eve and my sister will be hosting Christmas Day.   I'm kind of excited because I love entertaining. Though of course it would be the year I have no money to buy extras, and to really decorate this new house.  But my family has generously offered to buy the food. (because our Christmas Eve dinners involve lots of food) and for that I am grateful! (very grateful)

Back to the fact that it's Monday, which means it is a new start to the week.  And the optimist in me keeps reminding my soul that  everyday is a new beginning, full of possibilities.  And that somewhere, somehow there is a job that will be coming my way soon. (um how about now)  A job I will love. (okay at least like?)

And I think it is also good to keep in mind that sometimes out of bad comes good.  If I had not lost my job, I would have never found this lovely house.  Nor would I have gotten to see my niece as much as I have lately.  And it has helped to reawaken my spiritual side, I pray a lot more now.  Something I had sadly gotten away from for awhile.  I've started painting and reading again.  I even painted the house. I'm learning I can could do things I never imagined doing before.  And more so than ever, I am learning what is really important in life.

So this Monday I some how have to find a way to deal with the stress, and believe in the magic of the season!

The tree might be without presents under it this year but it still has that magical holiday feel when lit. This tree has been around for a few years now and I still love it.  And my father bought us pointsettas to complete the look. Which was a great idea because it added a nice touch!

1 comment :

  1. I'm glad you're able to step away from the stress sometimes, to see what's really important in life!
    Whenever I have a hard time financially, my mom has always told me the simplest, most basic thing- "Bills are just bills Ashley- what are they gonna do, kill you? No, so just pay what you can, when you can."- but it always makes me step back and remember that it's all ok!
    And I definitely feel like we all need hard times like these, to be reminded just how much we need our God, and how blessed we are, even during our hard times.


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