Saturday, August 28, 2010

Thoughts....

So today I have felt a bit hurt. And I'm curious how others might handle this.....

Let me fill you in.  My mans mother is in the hospital again, this time they have found fluid around her heart.  For those of you who don't know she had a pacemaker inserted a little over a month ago. Recently she came down with what they thought was broncitis but turns out it was fluid around the heart.  So upon further testing they also found a tumor on her lung but won't know details regarding that until next week.

So I was very upset to learn this.  I mean I've been with him long enough to consider his family my family and vice versa.  And my family considers him family.  And anything that happens to his family I take just as seriously and as hard.  Plus, I know how upset he is over this.  And since he isn't a big talker, especially when he gets upset, the only thing I can do is be by his side for support.

Well upon learning the news my man said he would go up there this weekend.  Which of course I expected.  But what was not expected was this.  He told his mother he would be coming up to visit her.  She says okay but told him she didn't want me coming because she didn't want me seeing their house messy while she was in the hospital. And didn't want me seeing her in the hospital either. (even though his sisters boyfriend of one year has visited her in the hospital)

Honestly I was really hurt by that comment, and I explained to him why.  She isn't having a bunion removed this is very, very serious and I just really think I should be there for her, and for him. 

We stayed at the house last time she was in the hospital and because it was an emergency she had no time to clean the house. The house didn't look any different than any other time. And even that time she would not let me visit her in the hospital.

Neither him nor I would ever judge someones house nor appearance, especially family.  And after all this time it should not even be a factor.  Families see each other at their worst moments and love their family no matter what.  That is what makes family special. 

She has been in the hospital all week, so I figured I would go up there take her flowers in the hospital.  Then if she wanted I would clean the house for her, do food shopping if she needed, help his sister,basically whatever they needed help with.  It is only his sister and mother who live together, as his father remarried.  And the sister has her own health issues so figured she might need some help too. 

We dealt with this same issue at Easter once too when she was redoing one of her rooms and didn't want me to come for the holiday. He has tried to talk to her but she doesn't budge. In fact, they even had a period of 6 months where neither one would talk to the other.

 She tells him all the time she loves me, considers me family, but yet when big things arise she seems to exclude me.  In this case I'm very upset because I feel I should be there not only to see and help her, but to support my man who is taking this very hard. 

After visiting his mother in the hospital his sister goes out with her boyfriend until the wee hours of the morning, so they barely see each other while he is there.  And that leaves him to just sit alone and have to deal with it all. 

I don't know as my family deals with things in a completely different manner, and they are always there to make sure no one has to be alone or deal with anything alone.  So in this case I just have a hard time understanding why his mother during such a serious health ordeal would want him to have to drive the distance and deal with everything alone.  During times like these all family members need some kind of support.

So here is my question how would you handle such a situation?  Is it wrong to feel hurt?

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