Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Compassion

So my boyfriend had a root canal down yesterday by his friend who has his own practice in New York City.  Since he has no dental insurance at the moment and needed this desperately his friend was very kind to offer his services for free because as he put it that's what friends are for.

Well he told my boyfriend it was one of the worst he has ever seen.  My man has little tolerance for pain and he basically hasn't left bed since 4 yesterday.  You have to know my man....he fully admits he is super cranky when feeling anything but good, and he means it!   When he doesn't feel good he just wants to be left alone.

Yesterday around 6 he's yelling I'm making too much noise and he's going to go to a hotel if it doesn't quiet down.  But is there a quiet way to make dinner and take out the trash?  Our bedroom happens to be in the middle of the place....it literally connects the office on one side and the kitchen on the other.  So it's impossible to be quiet when certain things need to be done.   Anyway....getting to the point he then informs me I have no compassion for when he isn't feeling well.

Well that opened up a whole can of worms because I do so much for him, that for him to say that was so hurtful.  I offered to make him soft food...no.  Offered to get water ice...no.  Plus, every week for the past two months he has had either back pain, neck pain, tooth pain, sprained ankle,etc..  I seriously can't keep track of it anymore but I've shown plenty of compassion.  Last tooth surgery I drove him, picked up ice packs, cooked him soup, and picked up meds for him.  When he sprained his foot I brought him ice packs and offered to take him to the doctor.  I cooked and cleaned up all meals when he could not stand because of his hernaited disc.

Besides that, I do all the cleaning, most of the cooking, surprise him with little notes all the time, give him rubs, and like this past weekend did all his laundry not to mention made sure he had the perfect birthday day.  But I guess he doesn't think that is important nor that it is hard work?   After all my work on Friday and Saturday I felt exhausted and sore but didn't get any compassion.  And to top it off my day was just completely overlooked and I could have gone for even a simple rub.

As I've been going through my own things....four major teeth procedures with no novacaine for which I didn't get much compassion from him (he even questioned why I would need a ride), eye pain for which they are sending me for more tests and has me stressed out, and a nasty cold during that time too.   Not once when I had my cold did he offer to cook me soup, nor did he try to be quiet when I needed extra sleep. 

Why is it some people don't understand or see how much others really do for them?  Yet don't get that sometimes peoples supply of compassion runs out when they don't receive some back. 
Can you tell I'm a little peeved today?  Yeah that's definitely the word because I think people should think about all others do for them before they speak.  I need some compassion some days too.  Even little things like breakfast in bed or flowers just to say thanks,  or not having to beg for my day, or once cleaning the bathroom, or surprising me by doing all our laundry that would mean a lot.  Or when my eye hurts rubbing my back without me having to ask. 

Don't get me wrong I love him and appreciate him for who he is.  I have no problem taking care of him but once in awhile my stores of compassion need to be replenished too. 

Today I just needed to vent.   And I'm hoping that someone out there can relate to such moments.  ; )

So maybe that's something we should all ponder a little today.  What are ways in which we can show more compassion for others, yet also let anothers know that somedays we need to feel the same in return?   Do you ever have days where you feel you give more compassion then you receive? 

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