Thursday, March 13, 2008

What is love?


I read an article about love today which I found so true. I agree with what was written because personally I think as a society we have gotten away from the real meaning of love. We seem to think if everythings not perfect then its not love but that's not the meaning of love. Love isn't about perfection in fact the truest, most real love is found only when we can see the imperfection in another and love them in spite of it.

Love is not about finding this perfect person that society and hollywood likes to make us believe exists. Essentially love has nothing to do with looks, money, what one does for a living, where they live,what car they drive, what they own, etc, or any of that other superficial stuff that people list when describing their perfect person. Think about it all that stuff can change instantly, looks fade or can change because of unforeseen events, no ones health is guaranteed, people lose their job and money everyday,accidents happen,etc so if we constantly base love on those things what happens when they change?

I don't believe in love at first sight because I don't believe anyone can possibly know someone well enough to have such a knowingness about another. I think its more lust at first sight which most people mistake for love. Love isn't something that just develops overnight. Its not something you jump into just because you feel a little sexual attraction or the person gives you the butterflies. Real love takes time to form, to grow, it requires spending time with another,really getting to know someone. Going through good times and bad times together. And I'm not saying that love doesn't involve attraction to another because it does but often times the attraction can't be explained. Its usually an attraction on many levels as opposed to just looks if that makes sense.

And at the heart of most great relationships is a deep friendship, a best friend because without that its like trying to build a house on sand. When love is real it doesn't fade away, can't be divorced away, or broken up with. It grows stronger with time. Love can last a lifetime but its up to us to do the work and nurturing required to create such a lifetime relationship. Personally I'm tired of hearing how high the divorce rate is and about people giving up on relationships because they got a little tough, or required a little work. Romance fades if you don't nurture it, if you don't make time for someone or spend quality time together.

Being that I'm in the middle of working on something at the moment, I don't have time to comment any further but I've copied some of the excerpts from the article below in bold.

Love is not easy. Love is not supposed to be all picnics and heart shaped brownies. There are times when it's down right draining and difficult. But it's those times that help you appreciate what you have. Just because you might fight or disagree doesn't mean you are not good together. And, for the love of God, don't ever fool yourself into believing gooey, fortune-cookie inspired drivel like "Love means never having to say you're sorry."

No one has ever loved meAs deeply as you.
No one has truly shown me.
What love could be like until now:
Not pretty or safe or easy.
But more than I ever knew.
Love within reason -That isn't love.
And I've learned that from you.

I think people think that love should fit some cookie cutter, fiction-inspired mold. Great dates, fun conversations, great sex, lots of laughs. That's not love. That's romance. What sustains a relationship is sometimes the hard stuff. The bad times. Because the harder you work for something, the more you realize how much it means to you. The more you value it.

"Okay! I get it! It's hard work. I'm ready!"Really? Are you ready? Are you ready to turn your whole life over to someone else? Are you ready to put your dreams aside to make room for someone else's? Are you ready to shelve that idea of "perfection" and re-define it? Are you ready to let go of your preconceived notions of what you believe to be your perfect person? Are you ready to tell someone how you really feel without worrying if they're going to leave you? Are you ready to fight and disagree and worry about someone other than yourself?

This idea that love should be "fun" is the exact reason why so many people are single. There's a lot of people out there confusing "romance" with "love." They're getting caught up in the courtship aspect and not prepared for the commitment part. Commitment isn't just about fidelity. It's also about stamina. No, not that kind of stamina. I'm talking about longevity.I've brought these examples up so many times, and I'll do it again. My Dad used to carry my Mom from room to room so that she could see us open presents of Christmas Day. He slept on a cot in our porch so he could be near her at night. He didn't withdraw, he didn't run, he didn't detach when she got sick or changed. He didn't quit because it stopped being "fun."

My sister laid next to her husband while he took his last breath. Do you have any idea what kind of commitment that takes? To sit there and watch your lover literally die in front of your eyes? That's love. It wasn't pretty or safe or easy. It can be painful and ugly. You want love? Be ready to get your hands dirty. Be ready to get bruised and a little battered. Stop expecting it to be that fairy tale you read about as a child.

Amen I could not have said it any better myself. And I might add to that, that if you want real love give up the notion that theres some perfect person out there waiting for you because no ones perfect. Give up the mental lists in your head of whose ideal for you, give up any deal breakers you might hold in your mind, give up the physical images you think your ideal person must have, give up all your expectations, let it all go. Clear your mind and heart be open to what life brings your way and has to offer you. Love could very well be right next to you if you just open your heart and mind to it! And don't forget like anything else love takes nurturing and work to make it grow,to make it strong, to make it happy, and to make it last!

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